Mili pratele,
dekuji za Vas zajem o muj zdravotni stav a modlitby, kterymi me
provazite celou dobu me nemoci.
Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your interest in the state of my
health and for your prayers that have been with me through the whole time I
have been sick.
Posledni tydny jsou vyplneny smisenymi pocity. Na jednu stranu se
citim ve velice dobre kondici a fyzicke pohode, samozrejme z pohledu pacienta
UHKT (hematologickeho ustavu)
Pri me posledni kontrole jsem doufal, ze me doktor uschopni a posle od
1.6. do prace. I presto, ze pracuji kazdy den neco malo, myslel jsem si, ze uz
jsem ve stavu, kdy budu moci zacit makat naplno.
The last few weeks have been filled with mixed emotions.
On the one hand I feel in very good shape and at ease physically, well of
course talking from the point of view of a patient of the IHBT (Institute of
Hematology and Blood Transfusion).
At my last medical check I was hoping that the doctor would
pronounce me well enough to go back to work from the 1st of June.
Even though I work a bit every day already I thought that I was now in good
enough condition to start working full time again.
To se ukazalo jako velice mylne. Doktor nebyl nadsen z meho nadseni
pro praci a touhy po rychlem navratu. Na druhou stranu byl rad, ze se snazim o
co nejvetsi zapojeni do normalniho zivota.
This turned out to be an incorrect assumption. My doctor
didn’t share my enthusiasm about getting back to work quickly. On the other
hand he was pleased to see how I am trying to reintegrate into normal life as
much as possible.
Vysledek je, ze jsem stale jeste na neschopence. Po te co jsme polevil
v mem pracovnim tempu, jsme poznal nasledky.. Okamzite se dostavila unava,
kterou jsem pred sebou tlacil nekolik tydnu, bolesti svalu, ktere byly
pretazene atd. Zivotni tempo jsem zpomalil, znovu se vratil k pravidelnemu
odpocinku a odmitat ucast na projektech a akcich je bohuzel na dennim poradku..
The result is that I am still on sick leave. Once I
slowed down and stopped working so much the consequences became evident... Immediately
the tiredness, which I had been staving off for several weeks, set in, as well
as sore muscles from overuse, etc. I had to slow down, get back into regular
times of rest and saying no to various projects and activities unfortunately
became a daily routine too…
Jelikoz jsem v mezidobi chemoterapii, muj krevni obraz umoznuje i
dalsi prohlidky, ktere byly diky lecbe odlozeny. U zubare, kde jsem ocekaval
hodinku vrtani, trhani a ja nevim ceho jeste, jsem byl hotov za 11 min a sel
domu ve velice dobre nalade. Dalsi dve vysetreni uz tak dobre nedopadly.
Because I am in between chemotherapies, my blood results
are enabling me to go for different check ups that had to be postponed because
of the treatment. My appointment at the dentist, where I was expecting hours of
drilling, extraction and I don’t know what else took 11 minutes and I left the
office in a great mood. The other two check ups didn’t go as well.
Ocni lekar, ktereho jsem navstivil s otazkou na vysetreni nejake
alergie, po serii testu naznacil, ze alergie by neresil, ale ze nasel vetsi
problem - zeleny zakal. Protoze vyrceni diagnozy je spojeno s neodlucitelnym
zacatkem pouzivani prasku nebo kapek po zbytek zivota, budou nasledovat dalsi
testy, ktere urci, jak rychle nebo pomalu musim zacit uzivat medikamenty, ktere
by tento proces pozastavily. Dalsi vysetreni me ceka v pristich tydnech a
pote se rozhodne co dal.
The optometrist that I went to see with some allergy
related issues told me after a few tests that he would not worry about the
allergy too much but that they’d discovered a bigger problem – glaucoma. Once
the diagnosis is definite it will mean the unavoidable start of use of eye
drops or pills for the rest of my life so there will be more tests to follow to
determine how soon I need to begin taking the medication that will slow the
process down. The tests are scheduled for the next few weeks and then they’ll
decide how to proceed.
Na kozni oddeleni jsem sel s malou ranou na tvari, ktera vznikla po
holeni kdysi davno cca pred rokem, ne-li dele. Ukazalo se, ze se tato
nezahojena rano castym strhavani strupu pretvorila na jakysi nador
"mirne "rakoviny. Diky tomu, ze ted je muj krevni obraz temer na
urovni zdraveho cloveka, je mozne i chirurgicke odstraneni. Vysledky histologie
pote nasledne ukazou co bude dal. V pondeli 11.6. jdu na maly chirurgicky
zakrok a po 14 dnech budu vedet vic.
I went to see the dermatologist with a little cut on my
face that I got while shaving about a year or more ago. It turned out that this
cut had never healed and because the scab often came off it transformed into
some kind of “mild” cancer. Because my blood work shows my blood is now almost at
the same level as a healthy person, it can be surgically removed. The results
from histology will tell what comes next. I am going in for a minor surgical
procedure on Monday, June 11 and I will know more two weeks after that.
Tolik k memu zdravotnimu stavu. Pak je tu jeste duchovni zivot, ktery
je touto zkusenosti silne poznamenan. Asi nejlepsim vyjadrenim je nasledujici
veta: nejsem vdecny za samotnou leukemii, ale jsem moc vdecny za cas, ktery mam
s Bohem, Jane a rodinou, prateli a vami vsemi, kteri stojite v tomto zapase
spolu s nami. Pan Buh me nadale provazi novymi vecmi, ktere se tykaji boreni
predstav o me identite mimo jeho kralovstvi, mych poutech se svetem okolo nas,
ktere jsou pro me osobne prekazkou k hlubsimu nasledovani Krista.
That was all about my health. Then there is also my
spiritual life that is deeply affected by this experience. I think that the
following sentence sums it up best: I am not grateful for the leukemia itself,
but I am very grateful for the time I can spend with God, Jane and the family,
with friends and with all of you, who are standing with us in this battle. God continues
to lead me through new things that are demolishing my notions of my identity
outside of his kingdom and my ties with the world around me that are a personal
obstacle to a deeper following of Christ.
Nebojim se smrti, bojim se procesu a dlouhodobeho umirani. Doleha na
me spousta veci, u kterych bych chtel byt, prozit je na plno, videt je na
vlastni oci a hrat v nich urcitou roli. Buh mi neni nicim takovym zavazan,a tak
se nove ucim zit v realite kdy ja chci jit za nim kamkoliv a v jakemkoliv stavu
me tam necha dojit.. Tak, jako je pozehnani mit hojnost a dostatek, je
pozehnani "nevlastnit" a byt svoboden odejit kamkoliv Buh vola. Muj
zrak je dar, ktery muze trvat par let a nebo vydrzi desetileti. Jen Buh sam je
ten kdo vi, kdy a jak se me telo rozpadne uplne a v prach navrati.
I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid of the long
process of dying. I am realizing there are many things that I would like to be
present at, live through fully, see with my own eyes and play a part in. God
doesn’t owe me any of this so I am again trying to learn this new reality where
I want to follow him anywhere in whatever condition he will let me get there.
As it is a blessing to have plenty and an abundance it is a blessing “not to
have” and to be free to go wherever God is calling you. My vision is a gift
that I can enjoy for a few years or decades. God is the only one who knows how and
when my body will fall apart entirely and turn back to dust.
V Bohu je ma nadeje na plnost a radost ze zivota. To ostatni jsou
dary, ktere jsem bral za samozrejmost a narokoval si to nejlepsi. Po 6-ti
mesicich maratonu po nemocnicnim prostredi, jsem na zacatku nove vdecnosti
Bohu, kdy kazdy krok je dar a kazda minuta se pocita.. Odprostuji se od
srovnavani se s ostatnimi, od zavodeni kdo z koho nebo jen ustnim hecovani se o
tom, kdo je lepsi.. Jsem moc vdecny za novy zivot v Kristu, ktery jsem za
posledni pul roku zacal zit. Prosim neprestavejte v modlitbach za Bozi vedeni,
moje naslouchani a poslusnost byt jeho sluzebnikem tam, kde me chce mit.
My hope for fullness and joy of life is in God. The rest
are gifts that I was taking for granted and always wanted the best of. After a
6-month marathon in the hospital environment I am standing at the threshold of
a new gratitude to God where every step is a gift and every moment counts. I am
breaking free from comparing myself to others, competing with others or
challenging them - trying to see who is better. I am very grateful for my new
life in Christ that I have been living the past 6 months. Please don’t stop
praying for God’s guidance in my life and my obedience to
be his servant right there where he wants to have me.
V Kristu,
Martin
In Christ,
Martin
thanks Nina and Andre for translation!
