Friday, June 8, 2012

Note from Martin

Mili pratele,

dekuji za Vas zajem o muj zdravotni stav a modlitby, kterymi me provazite celou dobu me nemoci.

Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your interest in the state of my health and for your prayers that have been with me through the whole time I have been sick.

Posledni tydny jsou vyplneny smisenymi pocity. Na jednu stranu se citim ve velice dobre kondici a fyzicke pohode, samozrejme z pohledu pacienta UHKT (hematologickeho ustavu)
Pri me posledni kontrole jsem doufal, ze me doktor uschopni a posle od 1.6. do prace. I presto, ze pracuji kazdy den neco malo, myslel jsem si, ze uz jsem ve stavu, kdy budu moci zacit makat naplno.

The last few weeks have been filled with mixed emotions. On the one hand I feel in very good shape and at ease physically, well of course talking from the point of view of a patient of the IHBT (Institute of Hematology and Blood Transfusion).
At my last medical check I was hoping that the doctor would pronounce me well enough to go back to work from the 1st of June. Even though I work a bit every day already I thought that I was now in good enough condition to start working full time again.

To se ukazalo jako velice mylne. Doktor nebyl nadsen z meho nadseni pro praci a touhy po rychlem navratu. Na druhou stranu byl rad, ze se snazim o co nejvetsi zapojeni do normalniho zivota.

This turned out to be an incorrect assumption. My doctor didn’t share my enthusiasm about getting back to work quickly. On the other hand he was pleased to see how I am trying to reintegrate into normal life as much as possible. 

Vysledek je, ze jsem stale jeste na neschopence. Po te co jsme polevil v mem pracovnim tempu, jsme poznal nasledky.. Okamzite se dostavila unava, kterou jsem pred sebou tlacil nekolik tydnu, bolesti svalu, ktere byly pretazene atd. Zivotni tempo jsem zpomalil, znovu se vratil k pravidelnemu odpocinku a odmitat ucast na projektech a akcich je bohuzel na dennim poradku..

The result is that I am still on sick leave. Once I slowed down and stopped working so much the consequences became evident... Immediately the tiredness, which I had been staving off for several weeks, set in, as well as sore muscles from overuse, etc. I had to slow down, get back into regular times of rest and saying no to various projects and activities unfortunately became a daily routine too…

Jelikoz jsem v mezidobi chemoterapii, muj krevni obraz umoznuje i dalsi prohlidky, ktere byly diky lecbe odlozeny. U zubare, kde jsem ocekaval hodinku vrtani, trhani a ja nevim ceho jeste, jsem byl hotov za 11 min a sel domu ve velice dobre nalade. Dalsi dve vysetreni uz tak dobre nedopadly.

Because I am in between chemotherapies, my blood results are enabling me to go for different check ups that had to be postponed because of the treatment. My appointment at the dentist, where I was expecting hours of drilling, extraction and I don’t know what else took 11 minutes and I left the office in a great mood. The other two check ups didn’t go as well.

Ocni lekar, ktereho jsem navstivil s otazkou na vysetreni nejake alergie, po serii testu naznacil, ze alergie by neresil, ale ze nasel vetsi problem - zeleny zakal. Protoze vyrceni diagnozy je spojeno s neodlucitelnym zacatkem pouzivani prasku nebo kapek po zbytek zivota, budou nasledovat dalsi testy, ktere urci, jak rychle nebo pomalu musim zacit uzivat medikamenty, ktere by tento proces pozastavily.  Dalsi vysetreni me ceka v pristich tydnech a pote se rozhodne co dal.

The optometrist that I went to see with some allergy related issues told me after a few tests that he would not worry about the allergy too much but that they’d discovered a bigger problem – glaucoma. Once the diagnosis is definite it will mean the unavoidable start of use of eye drops or pills for the rest of my life so there will be more tests to follow to determine how soon I need to begin taking the medication that will slow the process down. The tests are scheduled for the next few weeks and then they’ll decide how to proceed.

Na kozni oddeleni jsem sel s malou ranou na tvari, ktera vznikla po holeni kdysi davno cca pred rokem, ne-li dele. Ukazalo se, ze se tato nezahojena rano  castym strhavani strupu pretvorila na jakysi nador "mirne "rakoviny. Diky tomu, ze ted je muj krevni obraz temer na urovni zdraveho cloveka, je mozne i chirurgicke odstraneni. Vysledky histologie pote nasledne ukazou co bude dal. V pondeli 11.6. jdu na maly chirurgicky zakrok a po 14 dnech budu vedet vic.

I went to see the dermatologist with a little cut on my face that I got while shaving about a year or more ago. It turned out that this cut had never healed and because the scab often came off it transformed into some kind of “mild” cancer. Because my blood work shows my blood is now almost at the same level as a healthy person, it can be surgically removed. The results from histology will tell what comes next. I am going in for a minor surgical procedure on Monday, June 11 and I will know more two weeks after that.

Tolik k memu zdravotnimu stavu. Pak je tu jeste duchovni zivot, ktery je touto zkusenosti silne poznamenan. Asi nejlepsim vyjadrenim je nasledujici veta: nejsem vdecny za samotnou leukemii, ale jsem moc vdecny za cas, ktery mam s Bohem, Jane a rodinou, prateli a vami vsemi, kteri stojite v tomto zapase spolu s nami. Pan Buh me nadale provazi novymi vecmi, ktere se tykaji boreni predstav o me identite mimo jeho kralovstvi, mych poutech se svetem okolo nas, ktere jsou pro me osobne prekazkou k hlubsimu nasledovani Krista.

That was all about my health. Then there is also my spiritual life that is deeply affected by this experience. I think that the following sentence sums it up best: I am not grateful for the leukemia itself, but I am very grateful for the time I can spend with God, Jane and the family, with friends and with all of you, who are standing with us in this battle. God continues to lead me through new things that are demolishing my notions of my identity outside of his kingdom and my ties with the world around me that are a personal obstacle to a deeper following of Christ.

Nebojim se smrti, bojim se procesu a dlouhodobeho umirani. Doleha na me spousta veci, u kterych bych chtel byt, prozit je na plno, videt je na vlastni oci a hrat v nich urcitou roli. Buh mi neni nicim takovym zavazan,a tak se nove ucim zit v realite kdy ja chci jit za nim kamkoliv a v jakemkoliv stavu me tam necha dojit.. Tak, jako je pozehnani mit hojnost a dostatek, je pozehnani "nevlastnit" a byt svoboden odejit kamkoliv Buh vola. Muj zrak je dar, ktery muze trvat par let a nebo vydrzi desetileti. Jen Buh sam je ten kdo vi, kdy a jak se me telo rozpadne uplne a v prach navrati.

I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid of the long process of dying. I am realizing there are many things that I would like to be present at, live through fully, see with my own eyes and play a part in. God doesn’t owe me any of this so I am again trying to learn this new reality where I want to follow him anywhere in whatever condition he will let me get there. As it is a blessing to have plenty and an abundance it is a blessing “not to have” and to be free to go wherever God is calling you. My vision is a gift that I can enjoy for a few years or decades. God is the only one who knows how and when my body will fall apart entirely and turn back to dust.  

V Bohu je ma nadeje na plnost a radost ze zivota. To ostatni jsou dary, ktere jsem bral za samozrejmost a narokoval si to nejlepsi. Po 6-ti mesicich maratonu po nemocnicnim prostredi, jsem na zacatku nove vdecnosti Bohu, kdy kazdy krok je dar a kazda minuta se pocita.. Odprostuji se od srovnavani se s ostatnimi, od zavodeni kdo z koho nebo jen ustnim hecovani se o tom, kdo je lepsi.. Jsem moc vdecny za novy zivot v Kristu, ktery jsem za posledni pul roku zacal zit. Prosim neprestavejte v modlitbach za Bozi vedeni, moje naslouchani a poslusnost byt jeho sluzebnikem tam, kde me chce mit.

My hope for fullness and joy of life is in God. The rest are gifts that I was taking for granted and always wanted the best of. After a 6-month marathon in the hospital environment I am standing at the threshold of a new gratitude to God where every step is a gift and every moment counts. I am breaking free from comparing myself to others, competing with others or challenging them - trying to see who is better. I am very grateful for my new life in Christ that I have been living the past 6 months. Please don’t stop praying for God’s guidance in my life and my obedience to be his servant right there where he wants to have me.

V Kristu,


In Christ,


thanks Nina and Andre for translation!